Vinh Giang
Table of contents
Resources
- link Vinh Giang youtube videos
Communication traps that make smart people look insecure, unprepared, unqualified
Delivery blindspot
Problem - When speaking 100% of their cognitive capacity goes into what they say and 0% into how they actually say it.
- Reason why this happens is most people grow up rewarded for their technical ability, not for their ability to communicate.
- Ideas don’t speak for itself.
Solution - Split the attention 50/50 between how you say it and what you say.
- Use Vocal-Visual-Verbal framework.
- Vocal - Add melody to your voice. When speaking about something serious, speak with a lower pitch, convery passion with higher pitch.
- Visual - Match your facial expression to the tone of your words. If talking about something facinating, show the facinating look on your face.
- Verbal - Simplify your language and don’t use complex jargon to try to sound smart.
Imposter disclaimer
Problem - You disqualify yourself when you start the sentences with
- I’m not the best person to answer this but…
- This might be stupid but…
- I haven’t really thought this through but…
Why people do this
- You value humility and being humble, but this is not the place for that.
- Imposter syndrome kick’s in and you lower people’s expectations so it dosen’t disappoint anyone.
- You fear being judged for sounding too confident.
Solution - Remove the disclaimers and start with
- Here’s my idea.
- Here’s my perspective.
- Here’s one idea we could explore.
- A recommendation is.
Content Shield
Problem - You use big words, long explanations, and overly complicated frameworks. Because you associate complixity with credibility.
Why people do this
- You’re afraid of being wrong.
- You’re afraid of follow-up questions.
- You’re over-compensating for imposter syndrome.
Solution
- Say the headline first. One clean sentence to summarize your point.
- Add detail to support your point, only if someone asks for clarification.
Micro-checking loop
Problem - Every sentence ending with
- Right?
- Yeah?
- Does that make sense?
- Do you know what I mean?
- Sorry I just have a quick question… (when micro-checking happens in the beginning).
Why people do this
- Hyper-sensitivity to how you’re coming across to others.
- Hyper-awareness of people’s facial expressions.
- Scanning the room for consistent validation and subtle need for approval in real time.
Solution
- Finish your sentence on a low pitch.
- Pause after you finish your sentence.
- Let the point land.
- Then ask for clarity like this
- Is that clear?
- Did you have any questions?
- Would you like me to expand on any points (that I spoke about)?
Disappearing Spine Syndrome
Problem - When sharing an idea, the very moment you sense disagreement, you abandon your point completely.
- Your idea disappears before it even has a chance to stand.
Why people do this
- You put too much emphasis on the first sign of resistance.
- You have a strong desire to be agreeable and not cause conflict.
Solution
- Pause when you sense disagreement.
- Take a deep breath.
- Slow down your rate of speech and finish your point.
- You can also use the anchor and invite technique
- Anchor - I believe this is the right direction for us because…
- Invite - And I’m open to hearing your perspectives too.
5 love languages that we naturally speak
- Words of affirmation - These are people who value your words.
- Feeling loved though spoken, written, kind words.
- You like when someone says to you “You did amazing today”.
- Specific and genuine praise makes you feel deeply valued.
- Need regular verbal acknowledgement.
- Avoid silence, bluntness and criticism.
- Quality time - These are people who value your presence.
- Feeling loved through undivided time and attention.
- Values meaningful conversations and shared activities.
- Being fully present signals “you matter to me”.
- Gets hurt when the other person is constantly distracted.
- Sees time spent together as clear proof of care.
- Acts of service - These are people who value your effort.
- Feels loved when you people do helpful and thoughtful things to make your life easier.
- Appreciates things being done without needing to ask, like somone doing an errand for you without being asked.
- Your actions speak louder than your words.
- Laziness or broken promises signal “I don’t care”.
- Small actions are far greater than big declarations.
- Physical touch - These are people who love physical closeness.
- Feels loved through appropriate physical closeness.
- Values hugs, sitting close, pats on the back.
- Physical closeness signals emotional safety.
- Laziness or broken promises signal “I don’t care”.
- Small actions are far greater than big declarations.
- Receiving gifts - These are people who value thoughtful tokens.
- Feels loved though thoughtful tokens and gifts.
- Lights up at small surprises like a snack or souvenir.
- Focuses on symbolism behind the gift more than price.
- Forgotten occasions or thoughtless gifts hurt deeply.
- Gifts signal that you remembered them.
Why are these important
- Every person primarily speaks one of these languages.
- When you show love and care to others don’t do it in your love language, do it in their love language.
How to identify your love language
Do you feel hurt the fastest when…
- Someone dosen’t acknowledge you?
- Somone dosen’t spend time with you?
- Someone dosen’t take initiative to help?
- Someone dosen’t get you a gift?
- Someone isn’t physically around enough?
How to identify their love language
Depending on your relationship with the person
- Covert
- Make a list of people you want to deepen connection with.
- For each person, ask yourself these questions what would hurt them the most
- You don’t acknowledge them?
- You don’t spend time with them?
- You don’t take the initiative to help them?
- You aren’t physically present or around them?
- You don’t get them a gift when it’s a special occasion?
- Overt
- For people you want to make a deeper connection than Covert.
- Ask them directly.
How to speak their langauge
- Words of affirmation.
- Don’t say silent.
- Give specific and sincere affirmations.
- Use the SNI Framework
- Spot - Spot what they did and how they showed up.
- Name - Name the specific behavior or trait.
- Impact - Say how it helped you.
- Example.
- Spot - Hey, when you checked on my last week, that was one of the toughest weeks of my life.
- Name - And your kindness and patience really came through.
- Impact - It really made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I really appreciate it.
- Quality time.
- Don’tmultitask when you’re with them.
- Turn your phone off to minimise distractions.
- Give them 100% of your attention.
- Acts of service.
- Stick to your word, don’t bail on things you say you’ll do.
- Make a list of things you can do for this person.
- Set a target to do something on the list once a day.
- Physical touch.
- Don’t treat touch like an afterthought and something that should only be reserved for private.
- Consistent small physical gestures matter.
- Look for natural opportunities for physical closeness.
- Receiving gifts.
- Don’t assume they are materialistic.
- The gift don’t have to be expensive. It’s the thought and the timing behind the gift that matters.
- Gifts are a physical reminder that you are thinking of them.
- Make a habit to notice what they love and surprise them, like their favorite snack, sourvenir from recent trip, handwritten note.
continue from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ha5qaiwNHTc